It's 2 a.m. The house is too quiet, and part of you is still listening for the jingle of tags in the hallway or the soft thump of a cat landing on the bed.
If you're searching for pet loss support right now, you are not being dramatic. A 2022 review of research on pet bereavement found that people who lose a beloved pet can feel grief much like the grief that follows the death of a person. Below are free places to turn tonight and this week, plus some honest words about guilt, kids, and the other animals who are missing them too.
If you only read one thing: you can call or text 988 any hour of the day or night, and the Tufts helpline and the Chicago VMA line will call you back if you leave a message.
If it's the middle of the night right now
Most pet loss hotlines are staffed in the evening, so they may be closed at this hour. That doesn't mean you have to sit alone with it until morning.
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call, text, or chat with 988. It is free, confidential, and open 24/7. You do not have to be suicidal to call, and loneliness and depression are on their list of reasons people reach out.
- Leave a message tonight. The Tufts Pet Loss Support Helpline has 24-hour voicemail, and calls are returned at the next scheduled shift.
- A chat room for pet loss. The Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement offers a free chat room with trained hosts when you sign up for its free membership. Chat times are listed on their site.
If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Free pet loss support hotlines in the US
These lines are run by veterinary schools and a veterinary association. The people who answer are there to listen, not to judge how you feel or how your pet died. Hours can change between semesters, so check the page before you call.
- Cornell University Pet Loss Support Hotline: 607-218-7457. Staffed Monday through Friday, 6 to 9 p.m. ET, and Saturday and Sunday, noon to 9 p.m. ET, by trained veterinary student volunteers. You can stay anonymous. Cornell hotline page.
- Tufts Pet Loss Support Helpline (Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine): 508-839-7966. Staffed Monday through Thursday, 6 to 9 p.m. ET, with 24-hour voicemail. It also helps people separated from a pet for other reasons, like a move or a lost pet. Tufts helpline page.
- Chicago Veterinary Medical Association Pet Loss Helpline: (630) 325-1600. You leave a message, and a volunteer calls you back to listen and share referrals if you need them. CVMA pet loss page.
Free pet loss support groups you can join from home
Some people would rather listen first. A group lets you sit with others who understand.
- Lap of Love pet loss support groups. Free virtual groups on Zoom, several times a week. Anyone who has experienced the death of a pet is welcome, whether or not you used their services. Their anticipatory grief group, for people whose pet is still alive but declining, is one of the specialty groups that cost $15 per session.
- WINGS support group (Chicago VMA). A free Zoom meeting on the first Wednesday of every month, 7:30 to 9 p.m. The page explains who to email for the link by 6 p.m. that day.
- Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. Its hosted chat room works like a small, informal support group.
Your own veterinarian is another good place to ask. The American Veterinary Medical Association notes that your vet may be able to suggest support groups, hotlines, grief counselors, clergy, social workers, or psychologists near you.
What grief after losing a dog or cat can feel like
There is no right or wrong way to grieve a pet. The AVMA says it plainly: everyone experiences grief differently, at a different pace. You may feel denial, sadness, anger, anxiety, numbness, or guilt, sometimes all in one afternoon.
Mornings can be the hardest. The same AVMA guide points out that it may be hard to get out of bed, especially if your morning routine involved caring for your pet. The walk you used to take together and the bowl you used to fill leave empty spots, and it makes sense that they hurt.
You may also hear things like "it was just a cat" or "you can get another dog." The AVMA notes that even well-meaning friends may not realize how important your pet was to you. If the people around you can't hold this with you right now, that's exactly what the hotlines and groups above are for.
Guilt after euthanasia
"Did I wait too long?" "Did I do it too soon?" "Should I have noticed sooner?" If these questions keep circling, you are far from alone.
According to the AVMA, it is common and normal to feel doubt about whether you made the best decision, whether your pet was euthanized or died from illness or injury. People blame themselves for not catching an illness earlier, for not affording more treatment, or for the timing, even when they did everything they could. Researchers who reviewed studies of pet loss also found guilt to be one of the main themes in what grieving owners describe.
If you keep replaying the last moments, this may help. The AVMA explains that after the euthanasia drug is given, a pet becomes deeply and irreversibly unconscious, and death is quick and painless. A leg movement or a deep breath afterward is a reflex, not a sign of pain.
The guidance ends with a sentence worth reading twice: be compassionate with yourself, and remember that you made the best decisions you could at the time.
Helping kids through the loss of a pet
Children often feel this loss in a big way, and they take cues from you. The Ohio State University Veterinary Medical Center's guide for parents, Helping Children Cope with the Serious Illness or Death of a Companion Animal, offers some clear advice:
- Be honest. If children later learn the truth was bent, it can be hard to win back their trust.
- Skip "put to sleep." We all go to sleep every night, so the phrase can make bedtime scary. Phrases like "went away" or "passed on" can also confuse young kids or suggest the pet might come back.
- Let them see you sad. Crying in front of them shows that sad feelings are okay. Tell them it's the pet's death that makes you sad, so they don't worry it's their fault.
- Expect the same questions again and again. Kids ages 3 to 5 often don't yet understand that death is permanent.
- Let them grieve their own way. Kids may laugh, act out, or seem fine. If hard reactions last a long time, the guide suggests a professionally trained grief counselor.
Other pets in the home may notice, too
If your other dog is pacing by the door or your cat keeps calling through the house, you're not imagining it. In a 2022 study of 426 owners in Italy, 86% reported negative changes in the surviving dog, most often more attention seeking, less play, and lower activity. The researchers are careful to note they can't confirm this is grief rather than separation stress, and that owners' own grief may play a part.
An earlier study of 159 dogs and 152 cats found that 43% of cats vocalized more often after losing an animal companion. For both species, the median length of the reported changes was less than six months.
Gentle routines and extra time together can comfort you both. If a surviving pet stops eating or seems unwell, call your veterinarian.
When grief may need a professional
Grief is not something to fix, and most people find it softens with time. Still, there are moments when more help makes sense.
- The AVMA advises seeking professional help if you are dealing with profound or prolonged depression.
- The ASPCA suggests talking with your doctor if severe symptoms of grief persist.
- The American Psychiatric Association describes grief that stays intense and gets in the way of daily life as something a clinician can help with. It writes about the death of a person, but the signs it lists, like feeling that life has no meaning or being unable to rejoin daily life, are worth taking seriously after any loss.
If you have thoughts of not wanting to live, please call or text 988 now, or call 911 if you are in immediate danger.
Small ways to remember them
The AVMA notes that people remember their pets in very different ways: a memorial gathering, keeping photos or a paw print, or making a gift to a charity in their name. It also encourages talking about the fun times you shared, not only the sadness.
Some people find it helps to write it all down: the silly habits, the favorite spot on the couch, the way they greeted you at the door. When you're ready, you can also read what other pet parents have shared.
As for whether to bring home another pet, the AVMA says the decision of when, if ever, is as personal as grief itself.
Take your time. They mattered, and so does how you feel about losing them.
If this helped, you can pass it on to someone who is grieving.
If you are thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 in the US, any time.